Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
