Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
