Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
