we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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