Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
My pussy is not your playground.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
