I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
