the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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