You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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