So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
