Ambien. No doubt about it.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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