Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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