Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
