is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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