this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
