Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
