You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
