I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
