The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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