Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
