he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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