Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
