I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
