oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
