u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
