Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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