you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
