Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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