i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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