Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is the high leading the old right now
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
