It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need to calm my uterus...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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