It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
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