Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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