tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I was not drunk enough for that final.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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