Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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