The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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