The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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