I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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