I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
