Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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