the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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