Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Randomize
