oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
