1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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