I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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