She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
