i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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