I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
