it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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