Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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