You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
